Pregnancy and parenthood is an exciting yet scary time for both moms and dads alike. Being new to pregnancy and parenting is an even scarier experience because there is no way to understand something that you have never experienced firsthand. In this post I will explore a few things I feel every first time dad should know.
- You will be sleep deprived
- Do your part and help out wherever possible
- Mistakes will happen but learn from them
- The early years are precious
- Make time for your partner
- It is ok to be emotional
- Your role is important
We have a lot to unpack with each of the points above. Though they may seem both simple and straightforward these are definitely building blocks to the foundation of surviving becoming a new dad. Let’s get started!
Sleep Deprivation is Inevitable
So let’s begin by dealing with the elephant in the room. If you’re experience has been anything like mine, then I am sure that you have heard this at least a million times by now. “Wow that baby is going to keep you up all night.” For my wife and I this was the one piece of advice that was consistent from everyone throughout the pregnancy.
So the honest truth is that newborn babies definitely require a lot of time and attention typically during the most inconvenient hours “in the middle of the night.” They typically need to eat every 2-3 hours during the first four weeks if they are formula fed and may need to eat more frequently if they are breast fed due to faster digestion of the breast milk.
Newborn babies also like a clean and dry diaper, and become quite fussy when they need their diapers changed. Depending on the baby they can use the bathroom as often as every 1-3 hours.
Assuming that the baby doesn’t have any illnesses the requirement could still be hourly attention if the feedings and diaper soiling are alternating every two hours.
This is the most simplistic example and it shows that even a baby feeling well can require hourly attention through the night. In the event the baby is gassy or has any medical conditions etc. this could guarantee this cadence or even increase the frequency.
Some amount of sleep deprivation is inevitable with being a new parent because it is inherent to the needs of the newborn baby. But, I have great news! It gets better with time!
Healthy babies tend to sleep longer and go longer between feedings and dirty diapers as they get older. So there is definitely a light at the end of tunnel if you just prepare yourself to weather the early storm.
Do Your Part
One huge thing that you can do as a new father is to simply “do your part” and help out wherever possible. This is not the time to be shy! Hop in and make a bottle, take your turn at changing the baby, and in general give mom a break. We spoke on sleep deprivation already, but if mom has had the baby all day long then when you get home she will be in dire need of a break that you will be able to provide.
With the addition of a new baby into the house there will be more chores and tasks than you guys may have bargained for. That said, ensure you pull your weight and pick up a few extra of the chores so that you can guarantee that the house is still clean, presentable, and safe.
Mistakes Happen but Learn From Them
With becoming a new dad one good thing to know is that just like in life mistakes are inevitable. You and your partner will make mistakes, some big and some small but mistakes none the less. Your goal is to learn from every one of them and figure out a way to grow during each and every step of the way.
As the man you are required to stay strong and to keep a level head in most situations and this is no different. Think quickly on your feet and learn to improvise where possible to make things easier on yourself and your partner. Also try not to be too hard on yourself when you make a mistake as you are in fact a mere human just like the rest of us.
So the next time you forget the butt paste while changing a diaper or forget to put the birthing cloth down and have an accident on a piece of furniture, remember that you are just a mere human like the rest of us! Mistakes happen, simply make a metal note, learn, and move on.
The Early Years are Precious
As we all know our children will not be children forever and we have to cherish every moment that we have with them during their growing years. That baby that could barely hold his head as you held him in your arms for the first time quickly becomes a two year old standing and banging on the refrigerator door yelling “I WANT CHEESE.”
Time flies so we must make the most of the time that we have with our little ones. We must look past the tantrums and the growing pains to see that every moment is a blessing and we should be truly grateful for each and every day!
We must also make time to stop and smell the roses. While busy working to feed the family your kids don’t stop growing, they don’t stop learning new things, new words, new habits, new curiosities. Time doesn’t stop because you are away or because you are busy, it keeps going and you run the risk of missing out.
Make time for your family and especially make time for your little ones. They will only be little for a season and this is time that you cannot get back no matter how hard you try or how hard you “wish” they were little again.
Make Time for Your Partner
In the midst of going to the many doctor appointments for new baby, trying not to run out of butt paste, and warming both bottles and wipes don’t forget about your partner! This is the person that you set out on this journey with and also the person that you plan to spend the rest of your life with (on most days) so don’t forget to make time for just the two of you.
News flash dads, couple time is imperative and helps us feel like adults. It also aids in ensuring that both you and your spouse remain in good emotional spirits after your new addition arrives. You must make time for yourselves as this will help to alleviate the feelings of burnout. Get grandma or granddad to keep the baby and go grab dinner and a quick nap at the movies, your mind will thank you!
Emotions Are Ok
Dads, I will let you in on a little secret, it is ok to have emotions! Being a new dad is one of the scariest and craziest things that you will experience in your life. You are sleep deprived, constantly trying to keep a tiny human alive, trying to remember to eat, and trying to remember your own name at times. It is inevitable that you will experience emotions at some point during the process and that is just fine.
Feeling overwhelmed is natural with all that you will need to take care of with a new baby. It may sometimes feel like everyone needs you and you can’t make a mistake or else you will let your entire family down. You will need to remember that you are only human and are only able to do so much. Just do the absolute best that you can and no one can expect anymore from you. Again, feelings and emotions are ok, embrace them and keep trucking.
Feeling sad is also a normal feeling during your transition into parenthood. Unlike ever before I began to feel strong emotions for things that I saw, read, or watched after my son was born. It did something to me; it changed me to be more in touch with my feelings than I ever had before. This was new for me and you may have a similar experience so be ready and embrace it.
Please remember that if at any point you feel that your emotions may be a little too strong or abnormal it is ok to seek professional help! A counselor or therapist will graciously help you work through anything that you may be struggling with. This is a great option to always keep in mind anytime that you feel you need it.
Dads Matter
I want to close by simply saying that dads really do matter. I know that the pregnancy and birthing process have all been about mom and she has rightfully taken all of the attention and spotlight, but you play a very important role in your child’s life.
Your role will provide balance, structure, and a different form of nurturing that mom can’t provide. You will be the strength and the teacher of many manly lessons. Just ensure that you are present and that you are there every time your child needs you. Make your voice heard, and try like hell to raise the best human being that the world has ever seen.