Becoming a parent is said to be one of the most amazing things you will ever experience in your lifetime. As a father, you are prone to feel a certain level of detachment from it all as you are often not sure what to do or how you fit into the pregnancy/birthing equation. The first few hours of being a father can feel very chaotic, with many people not fully aware of how the experience will change them.
Yes, fatherhood does in fact change a man. Changes in men occur after the birth of their own children, through adoption, and even through becoming a stepfather. Many studies have confirmed that fathers change not just on an emotional level, but in hormonal, brain structure, and physical ways as well. It is considered the biggest hormonal change that a man will go through other than puberty.
Understanding how you will need to change and improve can be a daunting task, with scientists only recently even realizing that men change so drastically when they become a father. For a long time, it was believed that the only parent that underwent change was the mother, however, this is not true. Your body will change and you may even find yourself facing emotions and hormones that you never thought possible.
What are the mental changes that a father experiences?
Before you finally get that legendary dad body there are internal changes that occur that you may not even be aware of. These changes are chemical, hormonal, mental, and emotional with each one initiating a change that will impact you in the future. However, it takes a while for each change to come into effect and you will need to know how to handle many of them as they can change how you look at life according to TodaysParents.
To help understand the mental changes that your mind is going through while you are becoming a father you will need to understand each part properly. This is where you need to understand the chemicals, emotions, and hormones that will help you to become an awesome father. There are four things that we are going to focus on and each of them will give you a new understanding of fatherhood changes a man.
New Neurons
This is possibly the most important part of your body changing and it is the one that can be the most problematic; however, it must happen. Scientists are not sure exactly which neurons are transforming in humans when they become fathers, as the study can still only be done on animals, but we do know that new neurons start to develop when you become a father. These neurons enable you to think differently and handle situations in new ways.
From studies, we know that new neurons are prone to develop in the hippocampus region of the brain, with other studies showing that new neurons developing in the olfactory region of the brain. These are all results from smaller animals; however, we can see that these changes take place in the minds of fathers as well. This is why you know what your children smell like, you know their behavior, and you can recognize them from a mile away.
Hormonal Changes
This is the biggest and most sudden change that you will experience and the one that many people thought for a long time only happened to mothers. The hormonal changes that happen to a dad are not as sudden and immediate as they are for a mother, as she goes through pregnancy and childbirth. Preparing her for what is to come and giving her the instincts that allows her to be a superhuman when needed.
For fathers, the hormonal changes are a bit slower, but they can start developing as early as the first time he holds his child in his hands. The main hormones that are being produced for a father are estrogen, oxytocin, prolactin, and glucocorticoids. Fathers that show more love towards the mother and child produce more oxytocin, while their testosterone levels drastically drop. Unfortunately, while we know what hormone changes take place it is still not entirely clear how these hormone changes affect the behavior of fathers.
Brain Changes
A man and a woman have two quite different brain structures, which is why we think in many different ways. When you become a father your way of thinking changes to be similar to that of the mother of your children. This enables fathers to show the same patterns for cognitive and emotional engagement that are seen in moms, however, it takes a while for this to take effect in fathers as mothers in many cases have been changing since the start of the pregnancy.
Fathers typically start experiencing this change once they actually become fathers. Some fathers that are the primary caregivers have the same emotional processing capabilities as those of primary caregiving mothers. Your body prepares your brain to aid you in being the best father possible, allowing you to connect on a deeper level with your children.
Childs Voice
Many fathers can recognize and pinpoint their own children’s voice just as well as any mother. With the cry of their baby being the easiest for them to recognize, though scientists are still not sure how this superhuman ability works.
In a study done to test this 27 fathers and 29 mothers were asked to pick their crying child when mixed in with five other babies. The parents were able to achieve an accuracy of roughly 90% and were able to recognize and help their crying child from among the others. Why or when this happens to a father and a mother is not yet clear, however, it stays one of the more amazing things we can do as humans.
How does a father change in behavior?
While a father experiences hormonal changes among others many times he may not realize how these change who he is. Any father can explain that they changed a lot after becoming a father, which is why it is so strange that it took so long for people to realize that it happens. Many behavioral changes will take place once you become a father, each one being different and giving you new ways of thinking or even perspective on life.
You need to be prepared and understand what these changes are, as they will drastically change the way you look at life. Many times, people realize that something has changed, making drastic overt corrections that cause them to damage themselves and their relationships with others. However, if you are aware of how your behavior will change, how long it may take, and why you suddenly feel different it will help you grow more as a person and a father according to the NYTimes.
Fewer Risks
The first change that a father experiences is the fact that he is less willing to take as many risks. Fathers, in general, are a lot less willing to take risks, being conscious of the choices they are making and how they will affect those in their lives. With many fathers gaining the ability to think a lot further into the future than before is why you may see someone jump off a cliff face one day and then a few months later not even be willing to climb up the cliff.
This change can happen, and usually does, but only if the father wants to be and actively takes a part in being a father. This is why you can get people that become fathers but somehow never seem to mature at all. Becoming a father means you may wish to take fewer risks, but if you are unwilling and pushing back on becoming a father you may end up taking a lot more risks.
Similar to Moms
The overall effect of being a father is that you are closer to mom than you could ever imagine. You are not losing who you are, but your emotional abilities and thinking processes change to be similar to a hers in some cases. A father that is the primary caregiver has almost the same thinking patterns and mindset as a mother, which means you can empathize more with your children.
Your brain and body are changing to enable you to easily take care of your children, meaning that you are thinking and behaving in new ways that you would normally not do at all. This is usually why you will see that fathers can perfectly understand their children, even when they can barely understand the feelings of those around them.
It Takes Time
Knowing how you will change is important, however, unlike mom who has been going through 9 months of hormonal changes and upgrades, fathers are a bit different. Fathers change and experience their hormonal shifts when they begin their fatherhood journey.
This is why you will not feel ready even when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time, you may not be ready then, but you will be soon enough. Alternatively, this is what allows many men to become fathers when they adopt a child or fall in love with someone who is already a mother. The hormonal changes happen when you choose to become a father, when you are actively taking care of your children, and it may take some time.
When do you know you are a father?
This is a question that many fathers face when they first become a father or know that their first child is on the way. Mothers have their own unique stories about when they knew, but the stories of a father realizing the first time can be much more impactful. Some fathers feel the change the very first time they hold their bundle of joy in their arms, however, it is not always that fast.
There are many stories of fathers that felt little to no connection to their babies when they first held them, even calling their own mother or father in a panic. It can take some time, with many fathers experiencing a rapid change a few days after the birth, when mom is still in bed not feeling all that well.
There comes a time, a quiet solace, when you hold your baby in your arms and feel the love you can only have for your child. Fathers that come in later have a similar experience but it can be a thought that catches you entirely off-guard. It is hard to explain exactly when you will know you are a father, but we do know that once this happens your entire life will change.
When did we realize these changes take place?
It may seem odd to a millennial or someone from the younger generations, but it was believed that fathers were not important to childs development. The thought started in the 70s when a popular movement had the mother as the sole primary caregiver, causing many fathers from the era to be only loosely connected to their children. NYTimes
However, from the 2000s research rightfully showed that both the mother and father are important to childhood development. Further studies show and prove that unlike previously thought a loving father goes through as many hormonal and emotional changes as any mother. This is why a father should not be discouraged from connecting and helping to take care of their children as they are growing up.
What is the truth about changing as a father?
If you are planning on staying unchanged when becoming a father, you are not ready to become a father, which is one of the reasons that it is so bad that teenagers have children. You will change as a father and your overall outlook on life will drastically improve which this is why you need to ensure that you are ready. Fathers play pivotal roles in all children’s lives, how you model your behavior will have a direct influence on how your children grow. TodaysParents
You will change as your children grow up, from a loving father when they are children, to a loving rule setter and enforcer as they enter their teens. As your children become adults you need to be a confidant, someone to help them learn how to deal with the world and overcome challenges. You will change with them, becoming exactly what they need to develop properly.
The truth is you need to be ready for these changes as each new year will bring new challenges and being unchanging will mean you may start to fail. The best fathers are those that can and are willing to change who they are. But these changes only happen if you choose to be a father, allowing you to become the literal best version of yourself to help your children grow.
Conclusion
You will change once you become a father and your emotional ability and capability will drastically improve. As you and your children grow together each of your will change more and more, becoming capable of doing so much more. Changing is a natural part of being a parent and you should expect to do so as needed.
Always remember, that change is good and moving forward to be a better you each day is the only way you can have one of life’s greatest pleasures, seeing your child grow.