There are various items to consider before deciding to actively try for a second child. These considerations are very important as bringing another baby into your home is a huge deal. In this post we will deep dive these considerations and explore how these apply to my family.
- Fears: The fear of having prenatal or birth complications and what this means for your family
- Timing: When is the best time to welcome a new addition?
- Finances: What financial burden will another child place on our family?
- Lifestyle: How will our lifestyle be affected by a second baby?
These topics will get you thinking about what will be necessary to prepare yourself for child number two. Let’s get going!
Fears
The thought of having a second child is terrifying for many families and the fears are very warranted in most cases. There are the threats of pregnancy complications with mom that poses a significant issue for both baby and mom alike. There is also the threat of complications or birth defects with the baby. Lastly, there are general fears that every parent faces.
My wife experienced pregnancy complications with our first child and this point hits very close to home for me. She developed gestational diabetes which meant that she had to endure constant finger pricks to ensure that her blood sugar levels were within a normal range as well as take medication to help regulate her levels. She also had to alter her diet eliminating most carbohydrates and sugars.
The diet was key for our family and her persistence and adherence to the regiment that the team had prepared for her proved to decrease the amount of medication that she had to take to regulate her blood sugar. The risk for the baby was the fact that babies born from a mother with gestational diabetes are more likely to be well over the size of babies born to a mother without the disease.
According to Healthline the most common complications of pregnancy include high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, preterm labor, and a loss of pregnancy, or miscarriage.
Every parent hopes for a healthy baby and there are various birth defects that can affect a family. According to a 2010-2014 study conducted by the CDC birth defects affect one in every 33 babies born in the U.S. each year and these defects are the leading cause of infant deaths , accounting for 20% of all infant deaths.
The major categories for these defects are brain/spine defects, eye defects, heart defects, mouth/face defects, stomach/intestine defects, muscle/bone defects, and chromosome (gene) defects.
The final fears are more abstract and specific to each family. One of these may be “Are we ready for a second child”. The family in many cases has just reached a milestone with the first child or even has just fully gotten comfortable with parenting themselves.
“Can we afford a second child” is also a common question that we will deep dive in the finance section of this post, this was also a very important point for our family. “Is right now the best time for a new baby” is also a very common question and one that hit home for us not only for ourselves but also for our son.
Timing
As with anything, timing is everything! But this is a particularly specific situation that has quite a few influences outside of your control. Every mom and dad want the perfect gap between baby one and baby two, but that ultimately depends on if God’s timing is the same as your timing. That aside lets dig into timing.
The Mayo Clinic suggests waiting 18 to 24 months but less than five years after a live birth before attempting your next pregnancy. They go on to state that women older that 35 should strongly consider waiting 12 months before becoming pregnant again.
The World Health Organization also recommends at least 24 months before attempting the next pregnancy in order to reduce the risk of adverse maternal, perinatal and infant outcomes. This changes to roughly a six month recommendation after a miscarriage or induced abortion in an effort to reduce the risks of adverse maternal and perinatal outcomes.
Beyond the medical facts many parents have vastly differing views of timing expectations. My personal view is that I did not want my first child to treat his sibling like a pet. What I mean is that I didn’t want the time gap so far apart between the two children that they could not relate, play, or grow up together. My wife’s health and the health of my children was always of chief importance though.
Other parents like to have a larger gap between children so that the oldest children are able to aid in caring for the younger children. This somewhat happens naturally for larger families where there are multiple siblings over a span of several years.
Another group of parents like to have their children as quickly as possible. This could in fact be related to the parents’ age. Maybe the parents want to have all of their children young so that they can have the energy or alternatively maybe they are nearing what they feel is a fertility danger zone and need to expand their family quickly.
Whatever the case as long as you are ensuring the health of your spouse and your children as best you can there is no right or wrong time to expand your family.
Finances
The next major consideration for parents before they take the plunge back into newborn territory is finances. After health, finances may be the second most important consideration for a family thinking of having a second child. These finance considerations have to include the pregnancy which is well before the baby is ever born.
A major consideration and item to prepare for is the cost of the prenatal visits, tests, follow-up visits, and the labor and delivery itself. On average the cost of a vaginal delivery is from $5,000-$11,000 according to data collected by Fair Health. The average cost of a Cesarean or C-Section birth range from $7,500-$14,500 without complications.
Another major consideration is DAYCARE! If you are like most Americans you will need to factor the cost of daycare into your finance considerations. According to a study conducted by the Center for American Progress the average cost to provide center-based child care for an infant in the United States was $1,230 per month.
This is a huge expense and one to definitely be considered especially if your family already has one child in daycare. This may be a great consideration for waiting until the oldest has already started school and is no longer in daycare so that you do not have to bear the burden of having two children in daycare. Alternatively, if there is a retired grandparent or family member this may be a great alternative to the financial burden of daycare.
Lifestyle
With all of the considerations given above I believe lifestyle changes are very impactful and are often overlooked. Moving from a family of three to a family of four or more is a pretty big deal. Depending on the age of your first child you could potentially need two strollers or a double stroller, two diaper bags and a whole lot of cargo space to accommodate the load. Maybe you need a larger vehicle?
If you are accustomed to traveling the dynamic of two kids can be vastly different than having just a single child. Finding a sitter either hired or a family member can be more difficult with two children due to the fact that you are asking someone to babysit a rambunctious toddler as well as a needy infant.
You are going from having a set bedtime for your child and a set understanding of when you will have time for yourself to starting all over from ground zero. This is a life altering decision and one that definitely changes your lifestyle.